What I Want to Be When I Grow Up

Jan. 8, 1993
What I Want to Be When I Grow Up Calendar.

January: Ice skater
February: Artist

That’s as far as I got. (I was eight years old, and already procrastinating.)

I do like the idea of a calendar for what I want to be when I grow up. A few years ago, when I was desperately unhappy at a job, my future kept shifting shapes as I considered different careers, trying them on in my head the way I try on high heels in a shoe store, on a whim. English teacher! School librarian! Copyeditor! Recruiter! Journalist! Ghostwriter!

These days, I work at a university with college students, and, so far, the shoe fits really well. When I started my job, I was very aware of the option of tuition remission–of going back for a masters degree while working full-time. Then the what I want to be when I grow up calendar came back, with a vengeance: MBA, MPA, MFA, MSW. Journalism school. Professional certificate in copyediting. Professional certificate in fundraising. I applied to a sum total of none of them. How could I choose? I wasn’t ready… I’m still not ready. I wish I could be something different every month. (Ice skating sounds nice.)

Tonight, I went to a new friend’s apartment to borrow her Hebrew book so that I could do my homework. She’s a Drisha Arts Fellow, too, and is my chevrusa (study partner) during our Thursday class. Her roommate, who happens to be an old friend of mine, was there as well. As I was leaving, he told me that he’s taking classes at The Art Students League, which I had heard great things about. My imagination raced ahead of me: I was taking figure drawing and figure painting again, I was setting up the wooden easel my husband had given me as a birthday present, I was a visual artist again.

I wanted to ask him for more details: how much do classes cost? Can I take them in the evenings?

Then something inside of me laughed at myself. I’m taking Hebrew classes, I’m learning how to study Jewish texts. I’ve wanted to do this for years! Stop already. One thing at a time. It might not be what I want to be when I grow up, but it’s what I want to be right now.